Empowering Yourself: Talking Back to Negative Thoughts

We've all heard the advice "don't talk back," but today, I'm giving you permission to do just that – to talk back to yourself. Reframing negative thoughts can help you cultivate resilience and bounce back better from adversity. By learning to talk back to your mind chatter, you can reduce the intensity of negative emotions and increase your overall sense of self-efficacy and confidence.

Here's an exercise to help you talk back to your mind chatter when you're experiencing negative thoughts:

Step 1: Listen to your mind chatter. What is your belief in this instance? What is your mind saying? Listen for phrases like "I/He/She… never, always, should."

For example:

• Your belief is that you are not valued at work and your mind chatter says, "My boss never tells me what a great job I do."

• Your belief is that you are incapable of learning a new skill and your mind chatter says, "I'm always such a failure."

• Your belief is that your partner is not helping out around the house and your mind chatter says, "If they really cared about me, they should clean the house without me having to ask."

Step 2: When your mind chatter starts to say those judgmental words, "hit back" against the mind chatter and see how valid it is by using one of the following phrases:

1. "That's not true because…"

2. "The most likely outcome is… and I can…"

3. "Another way of seeing that is…"

For example:

• You think, "My boss never tells me what a great job I do," and you hit back with, "That's not true because he/she did tell me during my quarterly review how impressed they were with my last project."

• When you think, "I'm always such a failure…," you hit back with, "The most likely outcome is that I will get better in time, and I can dedicate time every day to practice."

• When you believe, "If they really cared…," you hit back with, "Another way of seeing that is, I've never told them I wish they would help out around the house, so they have no idea that is my expectation."

Most people don't take the time to talk back to their mind chatter or question it. We assume that if it came from our mind, it must be true. However, when we take the time to talk back and question our mind chatter, we see that it isn't always realistic. By talking back, it helps us become more flexible and accurate in how we think, and it lessens the potency of our negative thoughts and emotions. When we learn to talk back to our mind chatter, we can empower ourselves to be more positive and resilient.